|The Wheelbarrow Story (since it hasn't been posted in here yet)
||[Aug. 11th, 2006|02:39 pm]
I should have died, and this is why...
So, when everyone's little, it was lucky that a bunch of us didn't die, or just Darwin ourselves with stupid shit, right?|
I had a buddy that DAMN NEAR physically Darwined himself, when we were in middle school. Didn't die, no danger of dying, just... ow.
My friend Drew and Cam (Drew's brother) had a house near mine at home, and the entire area we live on is on a giant limestone plateau. Like, until you hit water, it's limestone. OK. so they had this problem with the sewer in their house, and they're fixing it. So there are piles of limestone and dirt and rocks, every ten feet or so, and this giant hole in the backyard, right.
There is a wheelbarrow next to the hole. And Cam decides he's going to fuck around with the wheelbarrow, and run through the backyard. Now, there's a wall, and tree roots, and all sorts of obstacles and shit in the yard, right?
So he grabs the wheelbarrow, and RUNS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER around the yard.
Well, for like, thirty seconds. WHAM.
hits a tree root, flips the wheelbarrow. And on the way to flipping, the wheelbarrow NAILS HIM right IN THE NUTS.
So. The wheelbarrow is empty, and Cam is sorta... galloping around the yard, holding his nuts. (Place both your hands on your crotch, and try to jog without bending your knees. That.) So that goes on for a few minutes, right. We are positively dying laughing. Can't breathe.
Anyone who's ever been hit in the nuts knows, several things occur to you.
One, you have this "you motherfucker!" attitude toward whoever hit you in the nuts--girl, boy, giant-ass-dog, whoever.
Two, you'd really like to vomit.
SO. half an hour or so goes by, and we go back in the backyard, Cam, Drew, me, and their sisters.
And Cam gets this look in his eye. That "you piece of shit, I'll show you." At the wheelbarrow.
Yeah. That's a good plan.
He picks up the wheelbarrow, right. Not having learned his lesson, at all, he decides running with it is a good idea.
Now, mind you, the wheelbarrow was FULL OF DIRT AND ROCKS last time. Now, since it emptied itself when Cam flipped it... It's much lighter.
SO he runs, again, like a FUCKING MADMAN, around the backyard. For, like, a minute.
*CLANG* *wheelbarrow flips* "uh-oh."
(and yes, it nailed him in the nuts again.)
he goes in the house, right. We're, by this time, FUCKING LOSING IT. Again, Can't. Breathe.
His dad comes out. Apparently he, um, sorta tore something. That needs stitches.
(I'll reiterate in little words: TORE. THE. SACK. OW.)
Later in the week, I was over at their place, and... yeah. you know how people have those lil "donut pillows" for spine conditions and things like that? He was sitting on a soft pillow, VERY gingerly.
We still laugh at Cam for that.
(And he has a son, now, so... apparently everything still works.)