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I should have died, and this is why...

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the Big Toe story [Sep. 21st, 2006|01:43 pm]
I should have died, and this is why...

ishouldhavedied

[jspurlin]
[mood |crushedcrushed]

So at college, you're exposed to all sorts of magnificent injuries, right. Some magnificently unlucky, some monumentally stupid. This... this was some of both.

Freshman year, I see this guy walking on crutches, with a bandage on his foot, right. I've had random stuff done to my feet, and I figure "hey, the guy had toe surgery," something like that. Nooo. Not so much.

Talking with him, he and some friends were apparently preparing for a party, and (heh, I almost couldn't help but laugh)

PINCHED HIS BIG TOE OFF (*poof*, off) WHEN THE BEER KEG FELL OUT OF THE TRUCK ON HIS FOOT.

That will make a good story for the grandchildren.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: lesliessexxy
2006-09-21 07:08 pm (UTC)
I wonder if he immediately fell over. :)
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[User Picture]From: lesliessexxy
2006-09-21 07:09 pm (UTC)
finish the sentence, stupid.


+ when he dropped the keg. You know, since the big toe = balance.
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[User Picture]From: jspurlin
2006-09-21 07:10 pm (UTC)
I would think so. In that "O HOLY SHIT PAIIIIIN" sense of the reason, at least...
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[User Picture]From: mothoc
2006-09-21 07:25 pm (UTC)
he can always think of new and interesting stories to tell people why his big toe is gone. I mean, that's what *I'd* do if I were missing a toe or something. Keep several stories around to tell people when they ask. I'm just saying. ;)

"How'd you lose your toe?"
"Knife fight with a rival frat."

"How'd you lose your toe?"
"Escaped lemur at the Houston Zoo."

etc.
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[User Picture]From: jspurlin
2006-09-21 07:28 pm (UTC)
See, and he should tell stories that are blatant lies, 'cause "so there was this rabid beer keg, right" stories just don't have the same... je ne sais quois.
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[User Picture]From: b_phil
2006-09-21 07:51 pm (UTC)
One of my mom's classmates has a piece of her earlobe missing, where they apparantly had to remove a cyst or something like that. Problem is, when she mentions that, suddenly people want to know what caused the cyst, did it hurt, etc.

So now when asked, she says a guy ripped it off her ear during a gunpoint robbery in an alleyway. Every time she is asked again in a short time period, she comes up with a more elaborate version of the story. Apparantly having a chunk of your ear ripped out by a robber is less interesting than having it taken out by a surgeon.
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[User Picture]From: jspurlin
2006-09-21 08:27 pm (UTC)
Apparantly having a chunk of your ear ripped out by a robber is less interesting than having it taken out by a surgeon.

well, duh.

wait wait wait. I read that wrong the first time... weeeird (no, honestly), that the truth is more interesting.

appar-e-ntly, too.

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[User Picture]From: b_phil
2006-09-21 08:37 pm (UTC)
After I become Emporer of the Known Universe, I'm gonna have to make sure everyone else speaks and spells English correctly like I do.
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[User Picture]From: jspurlin
2006-09-21 08:40 pm (UTC)
please, please tell me you fucked up "Emperor" on purpose.

and, BWAAAAHAHAAAHAAHHA.
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[User Picture]From: b_phil
2006-09-21 08:49 pm (UTC)
Erm... well, when I become Emporer, that's how it'll be spelled. Kids will be required to recite the new correct spelling verbatim in class. Vinyl records with a reading of the correct spelling will be provided.
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[User Picture]From: jspurlin
2006-09-21 08:51 pm (UTC)
I'll kill you. (oh, right, like they'll suspect a guy in a t-rex costume of being dangerous.)

*tiptoes in the T-rex-suit*

(rarr)
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[User Picture]From: b_phil
2006-09-21 08:57 pm (UTC)
That reminds me, you met the blonde girl from SMU who went to AggieCon dressed as a dragon, right?

(If you don't remember her, do you remember the girl in the chainmail bikini? Same girl).
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[User Picture]From: jspurlin
2006-09-21 09:49 pm (UTC)
Allee? or which one? (it was a dinosaur, i think...)
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[User Picture]From: b_phil
2006-09-21 10:57 pm (UTC)
Yeah, Allee, and it was a dragon. She is apparantly the mascot for Lazy Dragon (I don't think the poor girl has a clue what she's getting into there).
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[User Picture]From: m_fallenangel
2006-09-21 07:46 pm (UTC)
Did I ever tell you about my buddy Javo in college?

He was a big guy, around 6'3", 220, Marine ROTC. He wore his Marine ring ALL THE TIME.

One night he was in one of the campus parking garages and he jumped up to smack one of the girders overhead (Why do guys do that, btw? Not like I haven't, but I wonder why we feel the impulse.). Anyway, he hit it "just right" so the edge of the steel hit just between the bottom of his ring and the where the finger joins the palm. He hung up for about half a second until his finger tore off.

They couldn't reattach it.
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[User Picture]From: lesliessexxy
2006-09-21 08:11 pm (UTC)
Oh my fking ....

I probably would've thrown up right then if I'd seen that.
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[User Picture]From: jspurlin
2006-09-21 08:12 pm (UTC)
You too?
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[User Picture]From: m_fallenangel
2006-09-21 08:20 pm (UTC)
I wasn't there when it happened. I saw him a couple days later after he came out of the initial painkiller haze and was walking around with the bandage on his hand.

Lucky for him the guy he was with had completed corpsman or medic training just a few months before; so there was top notch first aid at the scene.
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[User Picture]From: jspurlin
2006-09-21 08:25 pm (UTC)
I went to interview at baldeagle's company right around when I graduated. They shuffled me around in a bunch of offices, since I'm not sure they realized I was actually going to show up for the interview--I was on time, they'd forgotten. One of these shuffels was into some HR person's office, wherein there was a guy waiting on a workman's comp claim because he pinched his index finger AND thumb off, under a skid coming to rest, that weighed something like 60000 pounds. How one hand will help at all, when moving something that heavy, with a crane, I'll never know.

Not exactly the most reassuring thing, it wasn't.
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[User Picture]From: lesliessexxy
2006-09-21 09:12 pm (UTC)
Nu uh. Top notch would be one of the guys having a bag of ice handy to put the finger on so they could put the fucker back on. :)
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[User Picture]From: m_fallenangel
2006-09-21 09:45 pm (UTC)
Ice wasn't the issue. If I recall correctly, he was at the hospital in less than 20 minutes. It was too jagged and mangled to put back on.

Props to his buddy for jumping up and fishing the finger out of the trough of the girder so they could even try.
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[User Picture]From: jspurlin
2006-09-21 09:50 pm (UTC)
OH MAN. a friend will help you move. A true friend will RETRIEVE YOUR FINGER.
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[User Picture]From: m_fallenangel
2006-09-21 10:14 pm (UTC)
Yeah. That's a favor you can't repay with just a six-pack and large pizza.

"Hey, man, I need you to drive me to the airport at 4 a.m. Saturday."

"Dude, c'mon, take a cab or something."

"Okay. Hey, remember that time I dug your severed finger out of a steel girder for you?"

"4 a.m., you say? See ya then.
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[User Picture]From: jspurlin
2006-09-21 10:17 pm (UTC)
Can't milk it _too_ much, though, or you''d just end up getting your finger cut off.

*CHOP*
"see, now we're even. Asshole."
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[User Picture]From: jspurlin
2006-09-21 08:12 pm (UTC)
OW. *looks at Aggie Ring* There's a reason why I don't wear my ring in the plant. I'd never think of that happening in a parking garage, though.

I always hear about those kind of things happening. And every time it makes me cringe. A lot. OUCH.

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[User Picture]From: b_phil
2006-09-21 08:39 pm (UTC)
You wanna hear about Aggie Ring related injuries... one time Mary found some reason to backhand me (in the chest, she's not that tall remember) in response to some smartass comment of mine while I was driving. Usually I dodge these kind of reprisals, but this time I was strapped to my seat by the seatbelt.

Totally got a bruise. Well, not really a bruise, but it hurt for a minute or two.

Yeah, I've got nothin.
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